However, the question can bring more love into our lives if we see it as a call to action. We’re led to believe that demanding to know why we’re not loved is a way of driving the plot of our lives forward, and that if we ask enough, our feelings are bound to be reciprocated by the third act.Īsking why someone doesn’t love us will never produce a satisfactory answer. There’s a pervasive sense of romantic entitlement. In the movies, unrequited, obsessive love is portrayed as something that is noble and necessary, even though the reality can be damaging and unhealthy. The answer has been, variously “Because I’m a vampire and I’m not prepared to initiate you into the world of the undead”, or “Because you love your husband, and if you don’t get on this plane to Lisbon, you’ll regret it … soon, and for the rest of your life,” or “ Because I’d rather go to prom with Andrew McCarthy.” It’s the title of an episode of Nashville, and it’s asked obliquely by a vast number of fictitious heroes and heroines. “Why don’t you love me?” has been wailed by a wide range of performers including Beyoncé, Hank Williams, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and intriguingly, someone who calls themselves the Jazzy Elf. The poser comes up frequently in pop culture. Our need to feel loved is primal, so when we ask “Why don’t you love me?”, perhaps we’re really asking a question about our own survival. However, Feldman discovered that when a control group of babies were held for at least an hour a day, they had better sleep patterns, focus and concentration levels – benefits that were still in evidence when the children were 10 years old. It had been thought that it was best to avoid holding and cuddling babies born early, in order to limit the spread of germs when their immune systems were vulnerable. In the movies, unrequited, obsessive love is portrayed as noble and necessary, even though the reality can be damaging How can you identify it, or know how you want it to make you feel? In 1996, psychology and neuroscience professor Ruth Feldman undertook some groundbreaking research regarding the care of premature babies. It can be difficult to find love later in life when you haven’t experienced enough of it as a child. Sadly, some people grow up in an environment where they are denied love and affection by their families. Of course, there’s much more to love than romance gone wrong. But you can’t win a person, and if you’re reduced to asking why you are not loved, you’ve already lost the competition.
![and if you don and if you don](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/89/05/fb/8905fb0b4985594262ffb0ffd29c8463.jpg)
I wondered whether I could win him over by losing weight, speaking more softly, speaking less often or falling in love with someone else. Of course, there wasn’t a single response that would have satisfied me, and I was essentially searching for the information that would make me lovable. I have been in love with someone who did not love me, and during that miserable era I went online to search for answers to the questions that I was too scared to ask him.
![and if you don and if you don](https://cdn.kibrispdr.org/data/u-dont-love-me-quotes-images-1.jpg)
That sensation might be what drives us to take our trickiest, tenderest and most human feelings to the internet, in search of a comforting automated answer. When we do not feel understood, the sense of loneliness and isolation can be suffocating. W hy don’t I love you? Well, I hardly know you! Perhaps this is the problem – I think that many of us, myself included, have a tendency to mistake feeling loved for feeling understood.